Friday, April 22, 2011

Dear Mother Earth

Since I started this blog on Earth Day- I always post on Earth Day.
I have decided to write mother earth a letter, since she may be getting rights now.

Dear Mother Earth,
     Since the UN (aka useless assholes) are considering giving you rights, I have a few questions to ask you.
-Do you prefer when we waste trees for paper bags or when we waste water washing reusable ones?
-If you don't want hippies to bathe, then why do you make them smell like that?
-Does it hurt the grass when I cut it, because I could swear that I hear it screaming (this could also be the crazy people that live down the street, but I'm PRETTY sure it's the grass screaming)
-I heard that Dolphins are really smart.  Can you persuade them to at least speak English, so us human idiots can bask in their wisdomy goodness?
-Is father time hard to get along with, because he seems like a dick?
-Do you feel a lot of pressure with all these people trying to replace God with you?
-Do you have to wear a Burka in Saudi Arabia?

I hope you will answer this letter and not just send an autographed picture- I already have a map.  Also, you should probably look into some anger management courses or something- I mean, enough with the earthquakes.

and this concludes the earth day post for this year.
I will now go back to the useless bullshit I usually rant about.

p.s.-screw Flanders